Adventuring Motherhood

  • Ashe

You got this, Mom!

Some days are harder than others. It feels like I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off. There are too many things to get done, and never enough time.


Then someone has the nerve to tell me how to do my job. Whether that's my job on how I make my living, how I advertise my paying job, how I should be a wife, how I should keep my car, how I should keep my house, raise my cats, raise my dogs, or the worst of all - how I should raise my son.


Most, if not all Mother's know-how that gets under your skin. Though some days you're simply too tired to even acknowledge what they said in the moment, but your brain remembers it. It'll come up while you're at dinner that night with your husband, while you're taking a shower, while you're asleep, or the next morning while you're drinking that cup of coffee that we basically live off of.


This thing that was said, is normally harmless, to be honest. But, it's simply something that didn't need to be said. Even as a professional Dog Trainer, I still get people (who don't know who I am) come up to me and try to tell me what to do with the dog I'm working with. Which is usually just that, a dog I'm working with. So obviously it's not golden yet, because we're in the step one or step two phase, where distractions are still very exciting. Typically, this advice is something I wouldn't do (like use a shock collar), not my style. But, I am polite, and I move on. These people like to think they know best, with everything. I never understood these types of people. Even as a nationally certified dog trainer, someone who is a nerd when it comes to anything dog. I don't go up to people with their dogs and tell them out of the blue what they're doing wrong. Why would I? It's rude and might ruin a perfectly good day for them.


The worst to date for me though was a recent comment, made about my son from someone in our family. We were in the kitchen, he was in his high chair beginning to get cranky, I finished what I was doing and picked him up. He had been in there for a while already, "snacking" on his toys while I was finishing up the dishes. Yet, this person had the nerve to tell me that I was spoiling him. Her exact words were "I knew he'd never let you put him down when I saw you holding him while making him a bottle when he was only a week old."


A. WEEK. OLD.


What?!


I'm sorry, I was holding my first - and planning on being only - child when he was a week old, fixing a bottle. Everything was still a whole new world for me. I didn't think it was so wrong to be holding him? To be making a bottle, which he needs to live? Was I supposed to leave him alone in the other room unattended to cry the whole time I was making him his bottle?


I was immediately annoyed by this, but again, I tried to be polite and move on.


This comment bothered me for a long time afterward - okay, it's re-annoying me right now while I'm typing this - but, then I remembered I'm a new human mom. I was not doing anything wrong. I was feeding my son. I was giving my son the attention he deserved. He was not crying while I was making his bottle, nor when I picked him up when he became cranky from sitting in the high chair. Which, let me remind you, he had already been doing for some time while I was doing the dishes, quite happy. He wasn't even 6 months at this time. The world is literally new to him, and every day is something new. This causes overstimulation, which can cause crankiness. Me holding him gives him comfort and reassures him that everything is alright.


I want to always be that for him.


I do not believe by giving your child attention when they're babies is such a bad thing, they don't understand your words, and they cannot communicate to you in any other way but crying at this point in their lives. This is not spoiling, this is acknowledgment, and this is how you show a baby love. Not by ignoring him, not by letting him cry himself to sleep in his high chair? I mean, what was she even implying that I do when he started to get cranky? I always talk to him before picking him up, which normally calms him down enough where he's paying attention to me and not crying. This in hopes will transfer as he gets older, to use his words, not scream and throw tantrums. I know it could be wishful thinking, but I'm a new mom, and wishful thinking is what we do!


If I ask for your help or opinion, please be honest and give it to me. If I don't, and your not my husband, then learn your own manners. If you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all!


Give your Mother's some credit, we're doing what we think is right. Some days are exhausting but we all make it through. Other days are a breeze and we get everything on our to-do list done. Instead of telling someone what they're doing wrong, ask if there's anything you can do to help, but not in a condescending way, please.

To all the current Mother's, and interactive Father's out there, keep it up.


Don't listen to the neighbors who have no children of their own, the grandmas aka mother-in-laws who think that they know best, or the cousins who have been around you your whole life and think that you should be focusing more on your career even though you just had a baby. Forget them.


That baby connection is more powerful than any of them. You're doing great, your baby will remind you of that every time they smile.


You got this!

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